It is dreary yet bright morning, and the house is still silent. These days, having a quiet moment to myself is a rare gift, so what better time to blog. Far be it from me to simply be still and do nothing! Life is full throttle busy again, but I'm consciously trying to find good balance to make my hectic life a blessing and not a curse.
For the past seven years, my family has participated in the Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure, walking in remembrance of Satchel's amazing mother in-law who lost her battle to breast cancer. And as I walked with her husband last June, I had an overwhelming feeling that day. As I grabbed his arm and walked along his side, and I found myself drawn to all of the survivors donned in pink. At that point I was so obsessed with the undiagnosed lump in my breast. It was just weeks later I returned to the doctor and finally received the diagnosis myself. And I was not surprised because I felt as though God had prepared my heart.
During treatment, a couple of my friends reached out to me and said, "I want to do the Avon Walk for you in the spring." And to be honest, I didn't think much of it. While I enjoy an active lifestyle, aside from Race for the Cure, I've never participated in a race/walk/run. In December as I finished up chemo, I started thinking more and more about participating in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. Walking 26.2+ miles over two days seemed like a giant task after everything I had been through, but I knew it was something some of my best friends wanted to do, and it seemed like a good goal, and a good opportunity to do something to help the cause...which has been close to my heart but is now very personal. I sent an email to six of my friends, and within minutes, and without hesitation, the "I'm in" replies started flowing in. Let's do it!
The women who make up my team are no strangers to this blog; they have been by my side every step of the way on this journey. Satchel, Rose, Lew, C, SweetCheeks and Mimi have been by my side for the last 9-28 years of my life as my childhood friends, college comrades, co-workers, bridesmaids, God parents to my children, next door neighbors and all-around amazing friends.
Together, we have received over 250 donations, raising over $24K for the Avon Foundation. I am so blessed to have these women, who are like my sisters, in my life. And the extended network of love and support we have received has been unreal.
We had custom shirts designed, and on the back of the shirt has over 50 names of women connected by the pink ribbon. I'm walking for all of my Bosom Buddies, and hoping that some day nobody will have to hear those words, or endure the treatments...or lose their life in the battle. It will no doubt be an emotional weekend.
Many thanks to all of you who have supported us. And thanks to my team for all of your hard work, and commitment to training and fund raising while managing busy lives.
Rain or shine, this will be a weekend we'll never forget!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Girl Talk...
A few days passed, and suddenly it occurred to me that I had not worn my wig in days. It was by no great decision, other than life was busy, I was working from home, and it simply fell out of my routine. I suppose if I looked in a mirror from time to time, I would have been more conscious of it. However, mirrors are things I seem to avoid these days. I took the kids over to Rose's for a pizza play date that Friday evening, and brought my wig along. When I arrived, she said, as an honest friend would, "Why on earth are you wearing that thing anymore? You look much better without it." Really? Oh, but no, I'm not ready to have this micro pixie haircut be the new me. Needless to say, I left the wig in the car, and off we went to dinner with the six kids without another thought about hair.
The next morning I was off to the mall. Destination: Nordstrom, in search of the perfect PJs for my mother-in-law's birthday. As I browsed through the beautiful PJs on the third floor, I suddenly realized I was surrounded by bras. Hmmm...those were something that I had not really thought of much about or used for the last 8 months. It was an Oprah moment when I asked the lady helping me, "Can you measure me?" And before I knew it we were heading for the dressing room. OMG. What have I just gotten myself in to? In a semi-frantic voice, I said, "You can probably guess from my hair that my girls do not look like they used to." In a sweet, unsurprised voice she said, "It's OK dear, I'm certified and I've seen it all."
My heart started to race as we entered the fitting room, and the large 3-way mirror made its presence known. "Face the mirror" she requested. "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't DO mirrors. Can I just face the wall?" In a gentle face, she looked at me and said, "You are very beautiful; you are ALIVE." As I stood there topless, she did her thing with the measuring tape, left on a mission, and returned with a handful of treasures. As I tried them on, I tried my best to control my quivering lip. And I suddenly realized why I had not worn one like this for months and months. My girls are beautiful in their own way, but just not "normal." And I know everyone is different, and there is no such thing as "normal" but it just felt different. None of them were fitting right, and I was growing more and more discouraged...until the fourth try. It was an a-ha moment as I found the perfect one...the perfect fit. She smiled and said, "You have to look in the mirror. This is perfect." And so I did. And even with the $60 price tag, I knew the feeling of the perfect fit was worth every penny. I hugged her, and thanked her for her kindness. I was feeling a little ambitious, so off I went, in search of some new products.
My husband's drug store mega gel was just not cutting it as my hair started to grow. My locks continue to grow in brown, thick, and straight. I found myself in Aveda, looking at products that were foreign to me, the former hair guru. Wax? Pomade? Gel? This beautiful, tall woman with short hair came up to me and offered her assistance. "What are you looking for?" and in a pitiful voice I replied, "I have no idea. I'm new to this whole short hair thing, and I need to style it and try to fancy it up." She then said, "Are you using a blow dryer?" All I could think of was, "OH NO you didn't just ask me that." I said, with a straight face, "My mom took my blow dryer away 8 months ago after I shaved off my long hair due to chemo." Wow. Did I say those words out loud? Did I really need to explain my story? Yikes. She was very helpful, and we agreed upon the gel wax. Again, keeping the tears at bay, I thanked her for her kindness and went on my way.
After a few more stops, I could not get out of the mall fast enough. And as I sat in my car, I called my husband. As soon as I heard his gentle voice, I started bawling. It's all part of the journey. But again, I'm healthy. I'm alive. And these were a few of the last to-dos I have on my list.
After some encouragement from my husband and a couple of my friends, an internal pep talk, a big fat glob of Aveda gel wax, a new headband, lots of make up, and sparkly dangling earrings, I decided to take my new look to the office. From the pre-school to Starbucks to the office, I was flooded with compliments. "Look at your sassy Spring haircut!" and "I love your hair! I wish I could pull off a haircut like that!" and "You look so chic! Maybe I'll finally get mine cut, too!" For a few people I knew well, who did not know the story, I dropped the bomb. They were in shock. "How is that possible? I have seen you almost daily and I never would have known you were undergoing chemo or wearing a wig." Really? In a strange way, I felt very proud of myself. If people I saw regularly didn't know I was in hell for 5 months, and in disguise in my wigs the last 8 months, then that's pretty impressive! I'm now practicing my "Oh, thank you" reply, but from time to time I feel inclined to tell the story. I'm not sure why I have to justify it. Some people enjoy wearing their hair like this. I laugh when people say, "I bet you'll keep it short, and never go back to long hair again." HA. Are you serious? I look forward to the day where I have a big round brush and a hair dryer with some hot rollers! :-) Bottom line is I'm working very hard to embrace the new me, and feel more beautiful than ever on the inside, most days. And again, I'm alive. And I'm enjoying every day as a precious gift.
My days are busy, and at times I feel like I'm drinking from a fire hose. But I'm enjoying work, the kids, my family and our friends tremendously, and life is filled with GREAT DAYS. We had a wonderful Spring Break and Easter, filled with great fellowship with the best of friends and our amazing families. My husband and the kids are better than ever and thriving more with each passing day. We are loving life in our home. And despite the grey clouds that roll in from time to time and send me in to a panic, I am assured that, too, shall pass.
I debated whether to publish this post. But then, I realized that this aftermath is such a part of my journey. And my plan is to leave Scarlett at the finish line of the Avon Walk, just a few weeks from now. Why stop being honest now? You have been with me this far. And, perhaps, someone will find this post as they frantically Google late at night in search of answers, and find comfort that they are not alone .
Here's a new favorite motto that I'll share with you tonight...
We tend to seek happiness, when happiness is actually a choice.
xoxo
The next morning I was off to the mall. Destination: Nordstrom, in search of the perfect PJs for my mother-in-law's birthday. As I browsed through the beautiful PJs on the third floor, I suddenly realized I was surrounded by bras. Hmmm...those were something that I had not really thought of much about or used for the last 8 months. It was an Oprah moment when I asked the lady helping me, "Can you measure me?" And before I knew it we were heading for the dressing room. OMG. What have I just gotten myself in to? In a semi-frantic voice, I said, "You can probably guess from my hair that my girls do not look like they used to." In a sweet, unsurprised voice she said, "It's OK dear, I'm certified and I've seen it all."
My heart started to race as we entered the fitting room, and the large 3-way mirror made its presence known. "Face the mirror" she requested. "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't DO mirrors. Can I just face the wall?" In a gentle face, she looked at me and said, "You are very beautiful; you are ALIVE." As I stood there topless, she did her thing with the measuring tape, left on a mission, and returned with a handful of treasures. As I tried them on, I tried my best to control my quivering lip. And I suddenly realized why I had not worn one like this for months and months. My girls are beautiful in their own way, but just not "normal." And I know everyone is different, and there is no such thing as "normal" but it just felt different. None of them were fitting right, and I was growing more and more discouraged...until the fourth try. It was an a-ha moment as I found the perfect one...the perfect fit. She smiled and said, "You have to look in the mirror. This is perfect." And so I did. And even with the $60 price tag, I knew the feeling of the perfect fit was worth every penny. I hugged her, and thanked her for her kindness. I was feeling a little ambitious, so off I went, in search of some new products.
My husband's drug store mega gel was just not cutting it as my hair started to grow. My locks continue to grow in brown, thick, and straight. I found myself in Aveda, looking at products that were foreign to me, the former hair guru. Wax? Pomade? Gel? This beautiful, tall woman with short hair came up to me and offered her assistance. "What are you looking for?" and in a pitiful voice I replied, "I have no idea. I'm new to this whole short hair thing, and I need to style it and try to fancy it up." She then said, "Are you using a blow dryer?" All I could think of was, "OH NO you didn't just ask me that." I said, with a straight face, "My mom took my blow dryer away 8 months ago after I shaved off my long hair due to chemo." Wow. Did I say those words out loud? Did I really need to explain my story? Yikes. She was very helpful, and we agreed upon the gel wax. Again, keeping the tears at bay, I thanked her for her kindness and went on my way.
After a few more stops, I could not get out of the mall fast enough. And as I sat in my car, I called my husband. As soon as I heard his gentle voice, I started bawling. It's all part of the journey. But again, I'm healthy. I'm alive. And these were a few of the last to-dos I have on my list.
After some encouragement from my husband and a couple of my friends, an internal pep talk, a big fat glob of Aveda gel wax, a new headband, lots of make up, and sparkly dangling earrings, I decided to take my new look to the office. From the pre-school to Starbucks to the office, I was flooded with compliments. "Look at your sassy Spring haircut!" and "I love your hair! I wish I could pull off a haircut like that!" and "You look so chic! Maybe I'll finally get mine cut, too!" For a few people I knew well, who did not know the story, I dropped the bomb. They were in shock. "How is that possible? I have seen you almost daily and I never would have known you were undergoing chemo or wearing a wig." Really? In a strange way, I felt very proud of myself. If people I saw regularly didn't know I was in hell for 5 months, and in disguise in my wigs the last 8 months, then that's pretty impressive! I'm now practicing my "Oh, thank you" reply, but from time to time I feel inclined to tell the story. I'm not sure why I have to justify it. Some people enjoy wearing their hair like this. I laugh when people say, "I bet you'll keep it short, and never go back to long hair again." HA. Are you serious? I look forward to the day where I have a big round brush and a hair dryer with some hot rollers! :-) Bottom line is I'm working very hard to embrace the new me, and feel more beautiful than ever on the inside, most days. And again, I'm alive. And I'm enjoying every day as a precious gift.
My days are busy, and at times I feel like I'm drinking from a fire hose. But I'm enjoying work, the kids, my family and our friends tremendously, and life is filled with GREAT DAYS. We had a wonderful Spring Break and Easter, filled with great fellowship with the best of friends and our amazing families. My husband and the kids are better than ever and thriving more with each passing day. We are loving life in our home. And despite the grey clouds that roll in from time to time and send me in to a panic, I am assured that, too, shall pass.
I debated whether to publish this post. But then, I realized that this aftermath is such a part of my journey. And my plan is to leave Scarlett at the finish line of the Avon Walk, just a few weeks from now. Why stop being honest now? You have been with me this far. And, perhaps, someone will find this post as they frantically Google late at night in search of answers, and find comfort that they are not alone .
Here's a new favorite motto that I'll share with you tonight...
We tend to seek happiness, when happiness is actually a choice.
xoxo
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